Hockey Humor

Venting Frustration

Feeling a little disgruntled with the Predators' frequent losing streaks? Not enthusiastic about shelling out more bucks for next season's season tickets? Maybe you should take a page from the Predators playbook when you deal with that invoice:

Tell them you will send the check but then not muster up enough effort to fill it out.
Send the envelope and explain that although you had your chances, you just couldn't quite get the check inside.
Blame the post office which bounced your payment around to another destination.
Shrug your shoulders helplessly and say you know you need to pay for the tickets but you just haven't gotten it done yet.
Send a letter claiming this is a building process and it will take time for your CDs to mature in order to pay the bill.
If the check bounces, say it is still a good check but it just had an off-night.
Call the IRS to see if your season tickets qualify as a donation to the underprivileged.

What GM David Poile Should Do...

Trade for Teppo Numminen, Marko Tuomainen, and Ville Nieminen and put them on the ice with Kimmo Timonen and Ville Peltonen all at once just to hear Pete Weber make the play call.
Pay Patrick Cote $17 million a season so some people will shut up about Nashville's low payroll.
Acquire one hockey player from each nation of the world... oops, nevermind.
Laugh out loud everytime a team loses a player in the 2000 Expansion Draft (Nashville is exempt).
Force the JumboTron to play the full segment of the Tim McGraw song when the Predators score. (Okay, this isn't funny but it ticks me off!)

Letterman's Top Ten List

This list was presented on May 7, 1999 when David Letterman was hosting an all-Nashville show. Tom Fitzgerald himself, dressed in full hockey gear of course, read the list live:

10. "I'll show you my Willie Nelson if you show me your Judds"
9. "I may be a Predator, but I'm also a Titan"
8. "Let me introduce you to my expansion team"
7. "Unlike those figure skating dudes, I'm all man"
6. "Remember when you said you'd go out with me the day Nashville gets a hockey team?"
5. "I still have all my teeth"
4. "Let's go back to my place and play Crook and Chase"
3. "Our sport may not be as cool as baseball, basketball, football, boxing, golf or soccer, but I still make a ton of green"
2. "If you think Al Gore's stiff, you should check me out"
1. "Nice Goo Goos"

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